Here Again
by The Alleycat Ulan
Summary: He calls out her name and she pretends not to hear. She tells herself she does this only because she doesn't want to talk to him, not because she wants to hear him say it again. James/Lily oneshot


This is so different from anything I've rewritten so far; I'm not sure what to think of it haha.

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She sees him coming too late to hide. He calls out her name and she pretends not to hear. She tells herself she does this only because she doesn't want to talk to him, not because she wants to hear him say it again. He says it and this time he's too close and says it too loudly for her 'not to hear'.

She turns to him slowly, reluctantly. She doesn't know why. His expression is worried and he puts a hand on her shoulder. Nonchalantly she shrugs it off, not because she doesn't want it there, but because she doesn't like how that simple gesture twists her insides and fills her with emotions she can't even begin to name and it confuses her. He talks and she tries to listen, but just him being there distracts her.

She is mesmerised by the way his lips move to form his words, the way his mischievous brown eyes watch her intently. There is a stray lock of his messy dark hair hanging in front of his glasses and absently he brushes it aside. She is replying, but even as she says the words they are already forgotten. As he walks away she watches him melt into the sea of students. The simple interaction has left her dazed and she hates him for it.

Later she passes him with his friends as she walks into the Great Hall for lunch. Troublemakers, every one of them. But still, she can't help but find them amusing sometimes. Laughter reaches her ears and his is there amongst the cacophony. Unmistakeable. It makes her heart pound faster and she wishes she could hear it more often. The sudden thought surprises her, deep down she knows its true, but isn't ready to admit it just yet.

The reason behind her self delusion she doesn't know. Maybe it's some sort of self preservation, or fear of rejection. Or maybe she's just scared. Scared to think what this might mean. How much she could lose. She had never thought of what she might gain.

She wonders if the prickling sensation she can feel is because he's watching her. Her eyes slide discreetly up and their eyes meet. She can see the smile on his face reach his eyes and she is the first to look away, long hair falling forward to hide her face. Colour rises to her cheeks because she knows he hasn't looked away and she can practically _hear_ the smirk on his face.

The days go on the same. Time is oblivious to her plight, as though there was nothing significant about the pain in her heart she felt every time she saw him. As if were normal. She wonders idly if it will kill her. It is certainly painful enough for that outcome to be probable, of that she is sure. It's past the stage where she can ignore it.

The feelings have spilled from her heart to fill every atoms of her body with their warmth. Trying to compress it, hide it, hurts more and more. Worst of all, he seems oblivious. He acts as though nothing is wrong, nothing is changed. He talks to her, touches her and she wonders how it is that he can't see how close she is to exploding.

It's a cold night, snow is drifting down from the sky and she's shivering despite the heavy layers of clothing she's wearing and the fire that's roaring with life in hearth of the common room.

She isn't going to last much longer. She knows that soon, she will have to rip out her heart to make the pain dull and despite everything she doesn't want to do that.

Maybe, he senses it, maybe, he isn't so stupid, so oblivious after all. Maybe, just maybe, he feels the same. He looks at her across the room, and catches her eyes on him. They can see the emotions swirling inside the other's eyes. And that sudden understanding communicates more than mere words ever could.

She smiles, tentatively allowing a tiny portion of her feelings to fill it and he returns the gesture with one of his own. One that matches hers with the same meekness, tenderness and confusion. The emotions spread slowly over his face, almost as though a mask is slowly being peeled back to reveal the truth beneath.

And she is surprised, and even pleased. Because somehow now she knows that if she gouges her heart out for him, he'll keep it safe forever and everything will be okay.

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_Please leave a review and tell me what you think, was it a bit abstract, was the ending unsatisfying_? _Thanks for reading! xoxo  
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